Notes on “Why I Write” by George Orwell

I’m working on an essay for a writers group I’m in. The essay comes from a prompt based off George Orwell’s article “Why I Write.” I won’t share my opinions on why I personally write just yet as I hope to share this with you once it’s done. But I did want to share some comments I’ve found interesting about Orwell’s essay. 

Eric Arthur Blair; aka George Orwell. I do not own this picture     

First note: “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a writer.” (Push in on Eric Blair’s face, cue Tony Bennett’s “Rags to Riches.”)

I think a lot of people who call themselves writers find the desire to write early in their youth. Whether it’s an attraction to storytelling, or the desire to replicate the books they read or some innate movement they can’t explain. Orwell notes that, with hard work, a load of reading, and an insane amount of luck, they might just be able to become writers professionally. The most interesting note I can relate here is Orwell’s description of the practice and pleasure he put into writing once he realized that his early attempts at stories were merely a long series of descriptions. He found words to be impressive on their own once he read Paradise Lost. I can relate somewhat; I read Paradise Lost when I had already discovered the pleasure of words, but I do remember being in High School and enjoying a Shakespeare play (I think Henry V) purely on account of the language. I don’t think this was the exact moment I realized I wanted to be a writer, that I'm still discerning, but it certainly helped.

Second note: Death and Motivations of the Author 

Orwell believed understanding an author’s background is essential to understanding their motivations. Note that he distinguishes between understanding motives and understanding their work. I believe in the concept of Death of the Author, that is, the idea that an artist isn’t the final authority on their own work. I think Orwell might agree with that concept, even if his own idea of artistry is to render a story so plainly that it cannot be misunderstood. In any event, I completely agree with his assessment of understanding an artist’s background before you judge their work. If nothing else, it can help you remove them entirely from their art - if necessary. 

Third Note: Do We All Share These Same Impulses? 

This is the meat of the essay. Orwell offers four main motivations that he claims most authors share - in varying degrees over time. 

1) Egoism: the “Desire to seem clever, to be talked about, to be remembered after death, to get your own back on grown-ups who snubbed you in childhood, etc., etc. It is humbug to pretend this is not a motive, and a strong one.” 

• He’s right. I know my ego needs stroking off every now and then, BUT very importantly, Orwell argues that this isn’t mere selfishness, and more human nature. It’s an extremely individualistic outlook, but if you write for the public benefit, surely then it’s an altruistic outlook as well. 

2) Aesthetics: The “Pleasure in the impact of one sound on another, in the firmness of good prose or the rhythm of a good story. Desire to share an experience which one feels is valuable and ought not to be missed.”

• It’s not just the beauty of words arranged into a particular order to craft a perfect sentence; it’s the way they sound in your head and the images your imagination creates. This is, in a nutshell, why audio books count as reading. The beauty of words arranged in perfect order on paper cannot be understated, but words have audible component as well. Hearing a word and seeing a word might engage different parts of the brain, but the effect, from the base transmission of information to lyrical delights, are the same. 

3) Historical impulse: The “Desire to see things as they are, to find out true facts and store them up for the use of posterity.”

• The shortest motivation on the list, and arguably the most hard to claim. It’s been my personal experience that no writer sits down to write saying “I will write the Great American / British / French / Russian / other national identity novel.” No, writers sit down to write because they have an idea, some itch they much scratch, some message they want to convey. It’s only afterwards that a novel or a story is seen as historically significant. 

4) Political: The “Desire to push the world in a certain direction, to alter other people’s idea of the kind of society that they should strive after.” 

• Coming as no surprise for anyone who’s remotely familiar with his work, Orwell identifies most strongly with this category. (He subsequently spends the rest of his article examining what it means to be a political writer.) An important note he shares is that all art is in some way political, and even saying that a book shouldn’t have a political angle is a political idea. 

Fourth Note: That’s all I’ve got. Further ideas will be shared in my personal “Why I Write” Essay

Oh, btw, all quotes in note 3 came from Orwell's essay linked above. I absolutely do not own them. 

Here We Are Again

Surprising even myself, I don’t have a lot to say this week. I didn’t read all that much, didn’t watch all that much, didn’t play anything new. So I guess this is a life update post. 

Most significantly I’ve had an interview with my local library that I’m waiting to hear back on. I’m a pretty close fit for the job so I’m really eager for it. With any luck that’ll go my way. 

I’m starting to get out a little more, looking for some fun spaces around my new place. Not many, as it turns out, but there’s a few places not too far that I can look into. 

I’ve recently decided to change up my diet, focusing more on chicken, salads and beans as primary sources of nutrition. I’m also trying to be more active, swimming and walking more. 

Not much else has happened. Life continues. Be well. 

Those We Lost in the Cracks Between

I want to encourage you to go and see the movie I’m sorta reviewing here today. The Backrooms, directed by newcomer Kane Parsons, is a spin-off / soft adaptation of a web series Parsons created when he was 16. If you’re not aware of this series, it’s based on a creepypasta that’s been circulating the internet since 2019 when a 4chan user posted a picture of a yellow-wallpapered room, (below) and included the following caption: 

“If you're not careful and you noclip out of reality in the wrong areas, you'll end up in the Backrooms, where it's nothing but the stink of old moist carpet, the madness of mono-yellow, the endless background noise of fluorescent lights at maximum hum-buzz, and approximately six hundred million square miles of randomly segmented empty rooms to be trapped in

God save you if you hear something wandering around nearby, because it sure as hell has heard you”

— Anonymous, 4chan (May 13, 2019)

(neither image or quote is mine.)

It’s a vibe as uncanny as Twin Peak’s Red Room, or the Overlook Hotel from the Shining, pure uncanny valley, distilled into one image.

I said I want to encourage you to see this movie, but I really don’t want to tell you too much about it. I was aware of the original post and had seen a few episodes of the webseries, but I wasn’t all that involved in the community that had been built up around it. This was, fortunately, the right state of mind to enjoy the movie. 

I’m certain die hard fans of the series would appreciate the movie on a deeper level than I did, but as I understand it, the story is largely standalone. Plot wise, it’s about a failing furniture salesman and his small circle of friends who stumble across a break in reality that leads to the backrooms... and the monsters that dwell inside. 

Saying anymore wouldn’t ... spoil the story per se, it’s pretty straight forward. But talking about the plot would ruin the effect that Kane Parsons successfully creates. People have complained about the pacing, without seeming to understand that the slow pace is essential to the dread growing in the movie. Parsons lets the story unfold deliberately, between long shots of the backrooms liminal spaces, and perfectly chosen edits switching to another shot. Fans of the webseries will b glad to know that the found footage effect from the series makes a return, successfully adding a direct POV to the series that really adds to the overall creepy effect. In other words, based purely on visuals alone, this is the single most anxiety inducing horror movie I’ve seen in a long time.

Of course, visuals don’t carry the story alone. Characters and performance help, and thank god for our leads Chiwetel Ejiofor and Renate Reinsve. I really want to dig into their dynamic, and explore the way that liminality, loneliness and isolation are used thematically in their arcs, but again, saying too much will ruin the effect. I will say this; these characters broken by trauma regarding families and the ordinary failures of life. Scenes of the movie slowly reveal the isolation they feel, and their reactions to the Backrooms are the exact opposite of each other, one with horror, and one with a slow, accepting, descent into insanity.

It’s a creepy movie. I’ve mentioned Twin Peaks and The Shining, but they’re not really comparable. After watching the movie, I’ve gone back to the original series and frankly, I don’t think those are comparable either. As a movie it’s a unique encapsulation of dread, where I loved every second.  

Looking Forward

My cosmic odometer ticked over another year this past week, and I’m starting to feel my age. (27, if you’re asking.) Not that I’m getting too old to do things I still find fun.  Most of the tings I fund fun don’t take me out of my bedroom. But I am getting the urge to go out and do other things, to find more kinds of fun outside of my room. Because, I won’t lie, I kinda think I’m trapped there. despite the obvious external pressures of political realities, economic turmoil, and mental health problems I really do want to try to spend this next year of my life living like I never have before. 

The last 26 years have been... well troubling in retrospect. Not totally, of course. Highs and lows abound like in anyone’s life. But in the last six years I’ve had the clarity of mind to really questions what I had been taught, and try to learn from past experiences. This has been traumatic, and has prompted a greater shift in perspective on my life, as can be imagined. I don’t want to get into too many of the gory details of the past, but suffice to say that I’ve taken the last 6 years to discover who I really am. From there, I’ve tried to recoup myself and understand who I am and where I’m going. And now, after turning 27, I guess that I really don’t know where I’m going and what I’m doing. But I do know this: I’m tired of recouping. 

It’s time to build. I really, really want to spend this next year building something of my life. I don’t know what I’ll build, but I’m done coasting. I’ve got a few goals I want to accomplish, but I won’t beat myself up if I don’t finish them after a year. They’re goals, not end-all be-all achievements. 

[] I want to put some serious work into a piece of long creative writing. A novel or novella would be good. 

[] I want to read more, and try to break my YouTube Addiction. 

[] I want to intentionally seek out more friendships, work relationships

[] I want to try for some kind of romance. 

[] I want to take my mental and physical health much more seriously this year. 

[] I want to find a more creatively fulfilling job. 

[] I want to be kinder to myself and learn to build off the love for myself I’ve clawed back. 

Last year I seriously thought about giving up celebrating my birthday. After all I was far from home, in a new town, and trying to self-regulate my lifestyle. I’m happy to say that I’m going to continue celebrating my birthday (and hey, with a long weekend, I still am) because not celebrating is too close to real life. 

Here’s to another year! Come hell or high water, I’m going to make it a good one. 

Book Talk

 So, after last week’s mammoth post I was wondering what I’d be writing about this week. I’m compiling notes for an indepth review of the game Cyberpunk 2077; I thought I could write that this week, but I don’t think I’m ready yet. I haven’t talked about books I’ve read for a while, and now seems as good a time as any. So I’m just going to go through some of the few recent books I’ve read. 

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Madeline Miller’s first novel, this is a retelling of Greek myth that canonizes the speculated romantic relationship between Achilles and Patroclus during the Iliad. It’s a perfectly fine, but truth be told I wasn’t really into the central relationship. If you’re familiar with the Iliad, you’ll be relieved to see that the circumstances of Patroclus’ death remain mostly the same, with only a few deviations. Miller goes into greater detail for the cause of Achilles and Agamemnon’s feud. The real genius of the story, and the reason I’d recommend the book at all, is that  fictionalized account of Patroclus’ childhood. It bleeds seamlessly into rest of the story, and creates a compelling character out of an ancient archetype

Side Note: I really should reread the Odyssey before Nolan’s adaptation comes out. That would be fun. 

Carol or The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

Patricia Highsmith published this lesbian love story under a pseudonym in 1952. While lesbian / queer fiction was nothing new at the time, it was mostly relegated to under the counter, pulply pornography that usually ended badly for all characters. Carol defies it’s peers by being a non-pornographic romance with a relatively happy ending which has proved vital to it’s enduring charm. It’s a dreamy story of a young woman pulled off her feet by her first true love, and I won’t lie, it feels amazing to finish the story and realize that she could continue that love affair. 

Practical Demonkeeping by Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore’s niche is quirky, comedic fantasy novels that draws humor from a Lynchian juxtaposition of the supernatural and the frustrating. It’s very Terry Pratchett, come to think of it. Practical Demonkeeping is about a 90 year old teenager who has been the personal master of a demon since 1919. openly hating the demonic fucker, Travis tries to get rid of it in a variety of ways when he stumbles into the Northern Californian town Pine Cove. Hilarity, witches, genies, and a whoooooole lotta murder ensue. It’s fine. I didn’t laugh as often as I have with Terry Pratchett books, but I still think you should read it. 

Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman 

Speaking of Terry Pratchett. This was a reread for me as I was anticipating the third season of Good Omens and I wanted to refresh for the story. As it happens, the series adapted the book almost perfectly within the first season, and the second and third were built off an idea Pratchett and his writing partner Neil Gaiman had for a sequel. I’ll discuss it more when I review the show (possibly my next post.)

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro

Did you enjoy Downton Abbey but thought that its endless melodramatic plotlines needed reining in? Well here’s a novel about only a few dramatic plotlines set in the generations after Downton Abbey official ended. It follows the prim and proper Stevens, butler to the late Lord Darlington. Stevens narrates the last few years of Darlington’s life - slowly revealing that Darlington had been a Nazi sympathizer who fell into disgrace following the end of WWII. Told in parallel is the tale of Stevens’ doomed romance with his fellow servant Miss Kenton, a romance doomed because Stevens is unable to be personable in any way shape or form. It’s a sad story, watching a man unable to admit the faults of the man he had pledged to serve or to see him painfully unable to admit his obvious feelings. It’s a good book and will probably end up on my best of the year list. 

Nine Dragons by Michael Connelly

I’ve been a fan of Michael Connelly’s Harry Bosch novels for a few years now, and I’m pleased to say that this one remains as taught as the previous entries. I kinda prefer the Lincoln Lawyer books, so I’m happy to see Mickey Haller make a brief appearance in this entry. Despite some heavy subject matter and a slightly unbelievable plot, this is a decent entry in the Bosch series, and if you want a rip-raoring crime yarn, here you go. 

Leonardo da Vinci by Walter Isaacson

Although this is the first one of his books I’ve read, I’m not the biggest fan of Walter Isaacson. Something about his Steve Jobs and Elon Musk biographies haven’t really struck a chord with me. I dunno why, I think that they seem a little “great man theory” on the surface. Fortunately, Isaacson’s biogrpahy of Leonardo da Vinci is a good introduction to his writing style. It’s perfectly serviceable as a life story, even if it does occasionally feel like a TED-Talk on how much the modern world owes Leonardo. 

Faggots by Larry Kramer

This one... this was a lot and I’m not entirely certain how I feel about it. Faggots by Larry Kramer is the story of New York’s gay scene in the 1970’s. Yes, plot wise it’s about only a few people searching for love, but in all actuality, it really is about New York’s gay scene. It’s a deeply unpleasant satire about how flippant, image obsessed, and sex-hungry gay culture was in the 1970’s. Kramer’s characters obviously want something deeper. Noble goal for any character, hell, any person. The problem is the book has more than a whiff of self-loathing homophobia in it. It’s hard to say that any of the characters in the story feel like anything other than characters. It’s also chock full of gratuitous sexual content that’s clearly not meant as pornography. This is a heavily mixed recommendation for me. 

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville

I’m surprised I got through this one in a week, but I’m glad I did. It’s as good as everyone says it is. Strongly recommend. 

The Carpool Detectives by Chuck Hogan 

This was a surprise. A true crime story that’s not overly sensationalized, that focuses on the investigation processes, and features down to earth investigators who are likable and not at all exploitative of their subject matter? “There’s no fucking way,” you scoff. ‘Oh yes there is,’ I say. It’s a story we’ve all heard before: A group of people become obsessed with a 15 year cold case murder, and become determined to crack it after meeting with the surviving family members of the victims. The catch? The investigators are four mothers who are bored during COVID lockdown. In between raising their families and dealing with the stress of the pandemic, they spend a hall of a long time digging up this cold case as a way of staying sane. The best part? - Outside of this being a true story? They succeed. Great read, highly recommend. 

The Good People of the Pitt

Caveat Emptor: Frank discussion of depression, trauma, self-harm, suicidal ideation and sexual assault. 

The older I get, the more fucked up the world gets, the more I reflect on my personal heroes and how they’ve evolved as I’ve aged. When I was 6 my heroes were Batman and Doctor Strange. At 12 it was The Doctor. At 16 I started looking for real world heroes (though I still admire the fictional ideal.) Ulysses Grant, Ernest Hemingway, Hedy Lammar, Rosa Parks. All worthy heroes, certainly. But now, starting down the barrel of 27 years and life not getting any easier, I find myself admiring more down to earth figures. Mr. Rodgers, John Candy, Rosa Parks still. The people who were just good, salt of the earth types just trying to do good and spread joy through their lives. 

As a sort of segue, I’m thinking of “good people” as a theme while watching the second season of the Pitt. A few posts back I made the comment that the Pitt was essentially the story of side characters being presented as the main characters. I’ll hold to that, but I will amend that statement to say that the second season includes a greater depth of character to the protagonists of the show, as any good second season should. 

The Pitt is defined emotionally by two interlinked themes, empathy and trauma. As healthcare workers, the characters of the Pitt must have empathy for their patients, and give them the best possible care. But that doesn’t mean that their patients have empathy, and that’s a major source of stress. Well, that and the causally horrifying amount of death they deal with on daily basis. The first season opened by examining how the healthcare workers at the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center were scarred by the COVID-19 pandemic. Some have adapted to cope healthily with the trauma, some are struggling. The first season closed by re-traumatizing the main cast with an overwhelming mass casualty event. That trauma, and many, many interpersonal conflicts hang over the second season. 

Interpersonal conflicts. Ooof. Remember that empathy I spoke of before? Just as much as the patients don’t exactly have empathy for their caregivers, the doctors and nurses of the Pitt don’t always have empathy for their coworkers. 

E.R. veteran Noah Wyle deserves a hell of a lot of praise for his performance as Dr. Robby, the Pitt’s troubled lead. Last season saw him finally break down after barely holding himself together since the pandemic. It’s not a pretty sight. Now, he’s on the verge of a 3 month sabbatical, and he’s eager to go, he needs the vacation. But he can’t let himself leave the Pitt. He seems to show the biggest change in character between the two seasons, while he remains polite with patients, his frustrations with doctors, nurses and other caregivers frequently boil over. Over the course of the season it’s heavily implied that he’s planning on hurting himself on the trip, possibly killing himself. Yet he confesses to a friend that his active suicidal thoughts happen while he’s working. He just wants to ride off and doesn’t really care about the future at this point. 

Of course it doesn’t help that the Pitt season 2 is set over the 2026 July holiday weekend, (2 months away guys) and it’s busier than usual. When cyberattacks at nearby hospitals force the Pitt to shut down their computer systems and treat patients with analogue systems, everyone feels the crunch. 

Returning characters from the first season are welcome, even if they all face their own demons. Dana (played by Katherine LaNasa), the charge nurse running the whole emergency department is a welcome face, but she has her own traumas to face. (She’s my favorite character, not going to lie.) Last season she was brutally assaulted by an unhappy patient and has started carrying a tranquilizer syringe to protect herself and her nurses. She goes full Mama bear to protect new nurse Emma (Laëtitia Hollard), who is assaulted by patients at two separate points. (Emma seems fine by the end of season, but who knows what the future holds.) Dana’s calm facade snaps when she’s protecting Emma, but otherwise she remains the steady rudder guiding the Pitt, teaching nurses how to deal with patients with great care and empathy. Episode 7 and 8 of the are their highlights; Emma and Dana collect evidence from a rape survivor, and are shown to treat her with great humanity. 

The doctors in training return from last season, with more layers of their personality onions being stripped away. Dr. Trinity Santos (Isa Briones) continues with her abrasive personality, this time struggling to keep up with her charting and the difficulties of her private life. She is responsible for exposing another doctor’s drug habit and feels the pressure of silent judgment from her peers. She’s implied to be self-harming from the pressure, and out of all the characters, doesn’t seem to be able to ask for help. 

Victoria Javadi (Shabana Azeez) struggles to pick a specialization as she ends her fourth years of medical school, dealing with the pressure of her mother’s overbearing expectations and her father’s quieter pressures. Dr. Mel King (Taylor Dearden) struggles with being named in a malpractice lawsuit, and general loneliness stemming from her sister moving on in life. Dr. Cassie McKay (Fiona Dourif) shows a little more stability than last season, proving herself a competent doctor with (possibly) a better love life than last season. Dr. Dennis Whitaker (Gerran Howell) has grown since last season, showing more confidence in his procedures while also demonstrating great empathy in dealing with patients and fellow doctors. One great moment in particular shows Whittaker comforting a traumatized new doctor who just lost in first patient in the worst way possible. This new doctor, Ogilvie (Lucas Iverson) is cocky and flippant, if competent enough, but losing his first patient on the table pushes him over the edge. Whitaker, who had been annoyed by Ogilvie’s attitude all day, comforts him, advising him on how to deal with the difficulty. 

Also returning is Dr. Frank Langdon, (Patrick Ball) the addict that Santos exposed last season. He’s just completed rehab and is back to work, but isn’t as confident as he used to be. While he tries to make amends with his colleagues and patients, he’s distressed by the pushback he receives. Dr. Santos in particular doesn’t want him back, and Dr. Robby doesn’t trust him. The season implies he might relapse into drug use, but he manages to survive the day without relapsing. 

This second season introduces a few new characters, Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi (Sepideh Moafi) being the most important. She’s poised as Dr. Robby’s replacement while he’s on sabbatical, and the two don’t exactly get along. Dr. Al-Hashimi wants to update the Pitt, and while Dr. Robby resents to the intrusion, her suggestions aren’t exactly unfounded, even if they’re not always good suggestions. For instance she pushes an AI transcription software to help with charting and ordering medications. But, she notes, doctors still have to proof read the transcription as it’s only 98% accurate, apparently. This plotline doesn’t feel like a cheap shot at AI, by the way. It’s depicted more as an active experiment than a takeover, even if it’s not that helpful. Dr. Al-Hashimi is at least depicted as being right in her criticisms of Dr. Robby's brusqueness and occasionally harsh moments. She's a great character and I hope she's in the next season. 

So it’s another stressful day at the Pitt. People clash, tensions and the temperature rise. And yet, through it all I find myself marveling over the small moments. An important plot point early in the first season shows the death of a man who worked on Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood, and his children finally bonding over his deathbed. That idea of being a neighbor, and bringing people some form of kindness and comfort remains an important theme in the second season, and, frankly, it’s why I watch The Pitt. You can talk about the show’s subtle (or not so) politics, or realistic approach, or it’s phenomenal writing (mostly; my one niggle with the show is there’s an occasional moment where the dialogue feels like it’s addressing the audience instead of the other characters. It isn’t frequent but feels awkward to hear; however I’m willing to give it a pass because it usually happens when the characters are speaking about some kind of industry failure and how they have to deal with it. If it takes fourth wall break to get effective change in the real world, I’m all for it.) You can and should talk about all of that. But I’m going to talk about the quiet moments of humanity. 

I mentioned Whitaker comforting Ogilvie, but he also encourages Langdon and helps him regain confidence. A Muslim nurse comforts a Jewish burn victim who suffers PTSD from the 2018 Pittsburgh synagogue shooting. The hospital staff help an overweight man in need of a risky surgery reconnect with his sister. Dana and Emma show kindness to a homeless man, giving him a haircut and shower. The nursing staff comforting a woman detained by ICE agents. Dr. Robby’s friend Dr. Abbot encourages him to come back alive from his trip and to seek help. In the end, the day shift gathers on the roof of the hospital and watches the 4th of July fireworks. 

Notably, Dr. Robby doesn’t leave on his sabbatical at the end of the season. Instead, he’s finally shown comforting a foundling baby that things will be OK. He’s convincing himself, yes. But it’s one of the rare times in the show that he appears with his guard down. 

The older I get, the more fucked up the world gets, the more I want to be like Mr. Rodgers and John Candy (he could have been a wonderful cast member of the Pitt, now thinking about it.) Here’s hoping that everything will be OK.  

Cheers. 

May 3rd Post

Quick note, saying hi.

Exhausted after moving this past week. 

Working on a longer piece for next Sunday. Don’t know what it’s about yet, I have to finish the book first. 

Can’t wait.

Anyhoo. 

Have fun.